We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
