I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
