I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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