Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
