idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
