The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
