So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
