my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
