Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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