Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
