i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
