I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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