You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
