I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
