You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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