What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
