i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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