Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
