My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You're like the curious george of whores
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
