Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
