From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
