There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
