My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize