shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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