I will die if light touches me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
