Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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