Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
