i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
