tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize