I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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