I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize