so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
