I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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