People in love make me want to vomit
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
