i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Will exercising make me less horny?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
