No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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