Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Randomize
