The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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