The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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