i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
