I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
