she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So many bounce houses so little time
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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