Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
