Soap is not a condiment
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize