There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
