That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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