just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think a kid would responsible me up
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
