3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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