i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
