she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Fuck appropriateness.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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