This girl is more easily done than said...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
