I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize