we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
