it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
i drank out of a bidet.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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