he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
