Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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