Can i not drive my cunt home
Girls should come with a carfax report
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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