How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
